Word Economy: Your Friend and Mine

"In my journalism courses I was being trained to write simply. Short, declarative sentences were the order of the day. So, I tried applying my journalism training in this economics class." -Pierce, p. 13.

Maria (that's my housemate) has this book from the Highlands High Public Library laying on the bookshelf called Science Looks at ESP by Henry W. Pierce. ESP aside, he points out one of the biggest traps most writers (and non-writers) fall into.

"...I became disillusioned with much that passes for scholarship... [an economics] textbook was a conglomeration of unweildy sentences concocted by someone who either didn't know how to write or was trying mightily to impress less learned persons with his scholarship."

The textbook author was, in the immortal words of Mel Brooks, a bullshit artist. This is an extreme case of a very bad habit: using unnecessary words. The solution is brief...

Use only the words you need.

People fall into this trap two ways:

1. Recognizing that sometimes, your audience is intimidated by words they don't know.
2. Feeling pressure to sound worldly and educated.

I go back to Pierce, who recalls

"...a professor...applying for a federal grant to study a certain insect pest that was ruining apples. In writing his application, he called an apple and apple and gave the pest a fairly common name. His request was turned down. He expressed his disappointment to a more sophistocated colleague, who took a look at his application and said, in effect, 'No, old boy, we don't do it like that. We do it like this.' And he re-wrote the application, using all the appropriate jargon. Sure enough, the re-written application was approved..."

Man, that's depressing. Pierce also describes being asked to answer questions on his econ test that are so inundated with jargon that they lose all meaning. After getting failing grades for his well-intended, journalistic sentences, he resorts to concocting made-up words, shoving them into unwieldy sentences, and stringing them along in a run-on nightmare. Of course, once he does this, he receives A grades from all of the five people who mark up his econ tests.

Sad.

When you don't have a stylistic reason for doing otherwise,

Never use two words when one will do.

Let Me Climb Off My High Horse.

I thought I would check my work email before getting into bed. Here's what I found to whisk me off to a peaceful sleep.

Todd Carter

Posted December 21, 2008 at 6:14 am

But apparently it’s enough to blog just one to three times a month? Quickly looking through your archive for the past couple months, that’s the number of blog posts I counted.

Infrequent posts have the same result as what you’re describing here (I left in grammatical error and typo, which I wouldn’t expect from anyone working at a creative agency):

“Sure, you could have a whole page to tell me why I need to use your site. But if its not dynamic, I don’t care. You probably just hired a contractor to write it, somebody who doesn’t even know your company. I assure you, it won’t be fuzzy and heart-wrenching and intimate and compelling. Plus, I have a hunch that page is never going to chage, so when I visit it next week, I’m going to read the same thing again.”

If you’re going to preach with a snarky tone, you might want to eat your own dog food.

Todd

Oh, well, looks like I'm not perfect. Thanks for pointing it out, Todd. Todd, by the way, is referring to a post I made on our company blog, here.

I do take the company blog pretty seriously. I have trouble updating it for two reasons: first--and namely--because until recently I haven't been involved in the development process (which takes out about %90 of potential content; guess I could write about the filing system?), then because my administrative tasks take up most of my time. Writing a blog...not high on the priority list, usually.

Todd is legit, his website is here. He has all the authority in the world to put me in my place, but I do question his tactic of insulting me directly. (My experience with snarky people shows that, when offended, they become snarkier.) Here's what I wrote back, pouting and sniffling over my keyboard in my jammies.

Dear Todd,

I am writing to thank you for your comment on my blog post, "You Need a Blog. Yes, You."

I took the time to check out your website, toddcarter.com. Congratulations on your prolific writing career. My goal is to support myself through college by means of freelance writing. I admire your success.

For me, it is difficult to get honest criticism from those who are in a position of expertise to give it. You have given me something valuable.

It is true that I do not update the blog often. Part of the reason is because creating worthy content takes a lot of time, and I am also inundated with the tasks that go with my full-time job. We are working on a strategy to update the blog frequently, but in light of changing economic times, our priorities are elsewhere.

I must also admit that my grammar and spelling could be better. Perhaps it would do me good to go to a community college and take a remedial English class.

Regardless, I don't mind saying you have taken me down a notch. As a twenty year old, I have only a feeble understanding of what it takes to be a good writer. Guess I just have to try and do better, which is what I was doing all along.

Stay Snarky,
Des

I tried to keep it from sounding sarcastic, but I probably failed. Usual ailment.

Oh, well. There is one really awesome thing about this. Nobody ever gives me less-than-stellar criticism. I don't know if it's because they lack the knowledge or the moxie or the context. Everyone says my writing is great. I try not to let it inflate my head too much.

The point is, for years I've been waiting for somebody to say something about how I'm less-than-perfect. And I finally got it. And in all honesty, I hope I hear lots of it in the future, so that I can keep doing better.

In sum, I will quit preaching. However, I will not quit snarky toning.

UPDATE (later that night...): Todd will be pleased to know that, thanks to his comment, I have written updated twice in one night! I'm getting better!

UPDATE: 12-24-08) Todd answered my email. Looks like I was unsuccessful at seducing him to abusing me more. I shouldn't have told him my age! He says I'm too young for him! Jerk.

Nah. No more free advice -- and you're too easy of a target at your age. If you're 20, you probably haven't even made it through your general ed English classes yet. I thought you were in your 30s or 40s.

Todd

I tried to make him stay.

Yeah, you're right. I ruined it for you. Shouldn't have told you my age; it would have been way cooler for you if I was closer to yours. Though if it makes me any more tempting, I have fulfilled all the language requirements for my Bachelor's--including English.

P.S., I printed out a big diagram to put on my wall by my desk. It helps me remember the difference between its and it's. Thanks for pointing that out, man--how can I take myself seriously if I rely on the WordPress spell check? Also, because of you, I'm going to try harder than ever to blog once a week. That means on the company blog, and on my personal one. There's a feed, so you can subscribe if you want, and easily comment on any crap I mistakenly put up there. If you found it personally satisfying to do so, I would find it considerably beneficial. It's helping me already.

Des

The love affair continues.

Know Your Audience.

Understanding your audience. That tool will empower you to write with more ease than you ever have, and to have the most compelling effect.

Too bad we usually forget who we're talking to.

The power of knowing your audience is most noticeable by its absence. Take this morning, for instance. I passed by Joe on my way to the coffee maker at 10:30 or so, greeting him with eye contact and an enthusiastic "hello."

Joe grunted, shuffled past me while keeping his eyes fixed on anything but my person, and schlepped his laptop bag to his office. Shelby poked her head out from around the corner.

"Joe hates mornings," she explained sympathetically.

Well, crap, if I had known that, I would have waited until 1:00 to say hi to Joe (who is quite cordial in the afternoons).

I don't really have any business to do with Joe, but have another example, just for fun. If I were to explain to my illiterate father, who works in construction, how to use Twitter, I would not use words like "feed," "stream," or "tag." Not unless I wanted him to walk away with the impression that Twitter was a bird who eats by the river but has been marked by a wildlife protection agency with a tracking device. Whatever.

You wouldn't have a conversation with someone without thinking about their

• available time to listen to you
• vocabulary, or education level
• priorities and concerns
• goals and values
• comfortable social cues, or cliches
  
• and so on

...so why would you write without thinking about your readers in the same way--unless you wanted your content to be limp and lacking vigor.

Remember, if you are thinking about yourself while you write--and not your audience--that is selfish, and your content will be less than useful.

If you focus on the things you have in common with your audience--that is the key to powerful communication.

Prayer: Answered

Durant Imbogen might not be God, but he has a way faster prayer-response turnaround. Here's his response to my email asking him to update Writing.org:

Thanks for the e-mail. I'll update Writing.org when I have a chance, but it's not as simple as it sounds: The site was created in a program that's no longer available (and which I no longer have), and converting the elaborately table-based pages to cleaner HTML is going to be a time-consuming project.

- di

Um, okay. Maybe Durant doesn't appreciate my sense of humor as much as I do. Oh, well, what can you do. At least he's not hating!

Are You Serious

Looks like the domain "writing.org" has been snatched out of our hot little hands. By this guy.

That's right, Duarte Imoden--er, Durant Imboden. Looks kind of shy. Why are you hiding, Durant? Nobody's going to plagiarize your work! The scam artists aren't looking!

If you're serious, check out the website. This would have looked pretty bad ass to me, if I was surfing in 2002. Guess he hasn't updated it in awhile.

I found this site because he's marketing it as "Advice for Freelance Writers." He has put forth a noble effort toward assembling...er...one, two...three, yes, he has assembled three links, which are useful resources for aspiring freelance wordsmiths.

Too bad the thing hasn't been updated for seven years. The titles date it somewhat. For example--"Finding an Agent," and "How to Write and Sell." (Personally, I sell, then write, but I'm a newb compared to this guy.) I would be happy to help him get it up to speed. With that luxurious beard and all the grooming it demands, it's safe to assume he simply doesn't have time to update the site. Let me just shoot him an email. Hm? Oh, he hasn't put his email on the site. Okay, there must be a contact form. Uh...nope, no contact form either.

Guess I'll just have to sit on my hands and wait for Durant Imboden to answer my prayers.

Just kidding, I found a contact form on his other website, Europe for Visitors. Here goes.

Dear Mister Imboden,

You are the man. I found your website Writing.org, but you did not have a contact form there. And then I found you on LinkedIn, because I don't think you have a Facebook or a Myspace, but it says I can't be your friend unless I know you personally, and I don't because we haven't gone to Europe together yet, so I did a very bad thing, and I went to EuropeForVisitors.com, and I used your contact form there. Don't worry, I'm too poor to take a vacation so I don't need you to plan my itinerary, this isn't about that.

I'm writing to ask you to update Writing.org. I have been writing for a long time. I write for freedom from hostility and evil and to release it into the universe. I write for the calling of the god-spirit within me which implores us all to create something beautiful and mysterious. And now, I'm writing for money, which is pretty good too. Anyway, there are probably lots of greenhorns out there like me who could use the guidance of a former PlayBoy editor. Plus, you own www.writing.org, which is saying something.

So, instead of asking Santa for something this Christmas, I'm going to ask another jolly fellow with a white beard. Please, Mister Imboden, update Writing.org.

Sincerely,
Desiree

PS: If you want to be my friend on LinkedIn, that would be awesome, because you are the man.